Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
