it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
