His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
