Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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