Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
