I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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