im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
