Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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