i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I did not marry a roomba.
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