So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
