After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
