Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your penis caused this!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
