My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
