but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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