2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
