A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize