Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
