the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
