Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
