i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
