Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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