dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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