I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
