Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We are all done wearing pants today
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
