that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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