i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
