Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
