Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
