I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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