Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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