if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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