Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize