My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
