He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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