for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
