I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
