you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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