Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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