I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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