Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
