Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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