this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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