This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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