I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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