she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You're like the curious george of whores
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
