Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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