eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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