This girl is more easily done than said...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
