I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
