I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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