Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
