I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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