69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
