...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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