I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
