I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
