remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
