So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
