I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love having hate sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
