Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
