I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
