grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
