and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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