so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
