Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
