Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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