OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
