i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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