Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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