I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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